and the echoes that remain
by Emily92
Summary: House's thoughts, post finale. "He needed to forget that he had lost her when he had not even had her in the first place." Huddy.


Title: and the echoes that remain**  
**Fandom: _House_  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Huddy, one hundred and ten per cent.  
Summary: Some of House's thoughts after the events of this post season's finale, in the form of four near-drabbles.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nor am I making any money from this.

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**and the echoes that remain**

_"His head was a city of paper buildings and the echoes that remain" - _Death Cab for Cutie,"Long Division."

_I. It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real_

She had been there the night before. He had seen her. He had touched her, had kissed her. He remembered her presence. He remembered where she had kissed him, how many times she had kissed him. It was all engraved in his mind - hell, he couldn't have forgotten about it if he wanted to.

(As if he would ever want to erase the feeling of their bodies tightly pressed together from his memory.)

Still, he couldn't get the things in the back of his mind to stop nagging him. The lipstick, the lack of it on her coffee cup. Something didn't make sense, and to say that troubled him was an understatement. It was beginning to bother him to no end. He couldn't get it out if his head. What was this, some self destructive pattern of his attempting to destroy one of the best things that had ever happened to him? He had to beat this. He couldn't screw this up. He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't.

(Just forget about the god-damned lipstick. Just forget about it.)

_II. Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes_

Ever since they'd been classmates at the University of Michigan, he'd felt something for her. Some sort of spark. He highly, highly doubted that they would be the type to get married after a year of their initial meeting and have lots of children and maybe some cats, but he had kind of hoped - in a secret and subconscious way, with the kind of negligent treatment that all of Greg House's great desires got - that she would be in his life for awhile. It sounded corny. He hadn't spoken it aloud yet, and now he probably never would.

_III. Cause nothing hurts like nothing at all when imagination takes full control_

She would probably marry eventually. She probably would, because flawed and needy as she was, she had her good qualities. At the very least, she was hot. Other men would eventually notice that if nothing else.

She would marry a man, and said man - who would be thoughtful, charming, and everything that he wasn't - would adopt Rachel. Then they would probably adopt another kid, or he would somehow manage to knock her up. They would buy a house a with two car garage and a lawn to brag about, all surrounded by a white picket fence. Somewhere along the way, she would forget about him. Her family would live happily ever, their wonderful life reaching of cliché and fairytales.

And where would be? Locked up in this hospital, hallucinating.

_IV. It would've been could've been worse than you would ever know_

No one would ever know, would ever fully understand. No one would ever get how devastating this was. All this talk with doctors and therapists was proving itself to be crap; it had yet to make any difference to his mental state. He still saw Amber. Nothing had changed. He was officially screwed.

_(Lisa…)_

Shit.

_(Lisa…)_

He felt that a handful of Vicodin, or alcohol of any sort, or a handful of Vicodin _and_ alcohol of any sort would be appropriate right now. Hospital policy be damned.

_(Don't give me that look, Cuddles. Don't give me that look.)_

He just needed to forget. He needed to forget that he had lost her when he had not even had her in the first place.

_(I think I broke myself, and you're the only one with the ability to pick up the pieces.)_

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Titles/prompts from 1. "Faint" - Linkin Park, 2. "1234" - Feist, 3."President of What?" - Death Cab for Cutie, 4. "Dashboard" - Modest Mouse.


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